I sat in church before the service praying and reflecting when the Holy Spirit reveal to me how terrified I can be when I “future-cast.” “The inner child” I identify as a network in my brain created in an unsafe environment as a child catastrophizing the worst scenario when I do “future-cast,” fearful of the “other shoe dropping.”
I have known about this issue for a long time. However, I’ve come to see a revealed truth by the Holy Spirit is more than knowledge; it had become a heart understanding with that knowledge integrated.
“The linkage of differentiated components of a system, integration is viewed as the core mechanism in the cultivation of well-being. In an individual’s mind, integrationinvolves the linkage of separate aspects of mental processes to each other, such as thought with feeling, bodily sensation with logic. In a relationship, integration entails each person’s being respected for his or her autonomy and differentiated self while at the same time being linked to others in empathic communication.”1 (Bold emphasis mine)
Through this journey, I am discovering God can take care “of the shoe.”
“What are you most fearful of losing?”
A question posed during a message that morning by my pastor. It was centered on the passage, “Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.”2 (Matt. 6:21 NLT)
To be honest, I was somewhat stunned, by my immediate response, “I’m fearful of losing intimacy with my Heavenly Father.”
Not my health. Not my family. Not finances. Not my eyesight (recently diagnosed with early macular degeneration).
That afternoon, I sensed the need to go on a prayer drive. Thinking I was being called into intercessory prayer, I praised and worshiped the Lord. He spoke to my heart: “this morning, when you reacted ‘you were fearful of losing intimacy with Me’ has been the reason I have not let you know My purpose working in you.”
I had known since Sue’s death, God has confronting me regarding the idolatrous significance of knowing the purpose of what He was doing with me or what I was here for.
I was flooded with overwhelming awe and joy. Because of what He had been doing in the past, I was aware the Holy Spirit will continually draw me into a deeper intimacy with my Father. It is my part to readily confess known sin, stay cognitively open to the slightest nudge and lovingly obey.
I turned around drove back to Turlock to the site of the church, which had been on my heart for weeks where the leadership had wounded me, my family and so many pastors and other members. Membership continued to decline and conflicts were frequent.
Years ago, I had forgiven them for the pain they caused and also asked forgiveness from the leading perpetrator: from his perspective, I had failed him not being the traditional pastor he expected.
Several years ago, I was asked by member of a spiritual leaders group I facilitated what was my reaction to the news the church was on the verge of closing.
I thought about his question, and experienced a deep-seated pain I sensed the Lord was carrying and shared my reaction. Since that time, I’ve interceded as the Holy Spirit prompts me to pray for their healing.
Apparently, they were having evening service. I prayed the spirit of Ichabod would be lifted off the church and God be glorified as He does so.3
Sitting here writing you, it finally dawns on me (duh!) how the Holy Spirit wove the tapestry of these events into freedom, healing
and growth; then praying all that for this precious, local Body of Christ.
I am praying these personal stories I share in emails encourage and strengthen you and your commitment to Christ.
What are your reactions regarding the Ichabod prayer?
Reflect on your “integrated” experience. What was that about? In what way did it impact you?
Is there a situation or relationship in which you fear “the other shoe dropping?” How is it impacting your relationship to Christ? To that situation or relationship?
1 An Introduction to Interpersonal Neurobiology, https://drdansiegel.com/interpersonal-neurobiology
2 David Larson, New Life Christian Center, “Stewardship,” May 19, 2024.
3 Ichabod’s mother went into labor when she heard the news that the Ark of God had been taken by the Philistines and her father-in-law and husband were both killed in battle. (1 Samuel 4:19).
Ichabod is a Hebrew word meaning inglorious or without glory. She grieved so much she went into labor and gave birth to a boy. “She named the child Ichabod saying, ‘The glory is departed from Israel’” (1 Samuel 4:21).
Who was Ichabod in the Bible? (bibleinfo.com)